I have been taken away

The feeling wraps around my consciousness as a sack over a hostage’s head. My senses are dulled. The world around me ceases to exist as I am dragged down a road I cannot see. I stumble and fall along the way, reaching out blindly, desperately for something solid to get my bearings. Nothing. With every step I can feel the sack closing in around my neck, the drawstrings yanked tight by hands I cannot feel. I hear voices. I am not alone. There are people around me. It sounds like they might be talking to me. I think I hear my name. I am not sure. I can’t make it out. The words sound as if they are traveling through several inches of glass. All that reaches me is a muffled whisper and some inkling of the feeling attached to each word.

I feel like I should be doing something. I was doing something, right? Didn’t I have a list? Where is my list? The drawstrings pull tighter. If I have to ask for a reminder it’ll be bad. You know what happens when you forget. When you disappoint. Tighter still. What was I doing? Through some holes in the sack I catch glimpses of the world around me. Was I supposed to grab that? Was that something I needed? I need a lot of things. Things I can’t afford. They keep piling up. Even tighter. My breathing, already, obstructed by the thick fabric around it, becomes all the more difficult as the sack is pulled flat against my nose and mouth. Oh no. I’ve forgotten what I was here for. I’m going to have to call. I need help. I need something. But they will be frustrated. They’ll be angry. You’re doing what you always do. The sack is so tight now that the small pinpricks of light coming through the fabric become stars. A pain grows in my chest. I reflexively reach up to it, clutching at my shirt like I’ve been wounded. I need to see a doctor. Can’t afford it. How long have I been putting that off? Take a deep breath you know what you’re supposed to do. Why aren’t you doing it? Think of how disappointing that is to everyone that counts on you. Why do they still count on me? All I do is disappoint. My job is shit my life is shit everything is shit. I have so much to do. I can’t breathe now. My chest feels as if it’s about to explode.

I reach up to rip the sack off of my head but it holds fast. Someone tied the drawstrings in a knot I can’t undo blind. I muster my last bits of strength, retracing my footsteps as my vision darkens and muscles fill with lead. My mind pulls from my body, desperate to escape the husk of a man it inhabits. It finally detaches itself, leaving what’s left of me to shamble on autopilot as I slowly suffocate. Once again, I have been taken away.